What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Last Updated: 02.07.2025 00:46

What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

I said to her

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But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

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With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

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She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

I think the readers, may guess!

She loved him until the end.

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You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

But, we were locked up after school.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

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It was going to be , some day.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

Im still living with it.

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Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

She married twice! .

They are buried together, in the same grave..

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Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

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His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

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She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

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Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

I was scared of men, in general

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

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5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

On the 31st of Jan this month .

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

Put me off passion for life!!

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

This is soul school!.

Why did i forgive my father ?

But ive been too sick for many years..

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

Ive learnt so much.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

I was 9 years of age.

She was in good health!

He was dying to do it , i knew.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

Comes on , in middle age.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

Im dying but, im not bitter.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

My life is so biszare .

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

So, i spoilt her more .

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

He knew the spot.

Who then, do I blame.?

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

So whats the point in blame.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

I was seconnd youngest,

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

I could never make a relationship work though!

All the time i was locked up.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

I write beautiful poetry .

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

We were not on the streets..

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

My family never makes their pension either.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

What did i know ?

She found it foreign!.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

(And it was in our own minds.)

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

I know ,a lot about trauma.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

I waited trembling.

One cannot live in the past .

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

I have no regrets .

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

I was very sick at this time too.

Was to survive, this bastard.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

I will be 64.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

As i do to all so called friends.?

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Especially a lifetime of it.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

We all went to grammer schools

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

When she asked me how she looked .

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

I never cut or harmed myself..

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

And i lived it daily.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

But it wasn’t much.

Would this be the day?

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

She wouldn,t have been !

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

I couldn’t, believe it.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

He resisted the act ,that day.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

The only rule us 5 kids had .

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

I don,t even have a pension.